16 Sep

30 Common Sense Do’s and Don’ts for Saving Money in Relationships

One of the things that couples fight about most is money. Usually that fighting comes from the fact that there just isn’t enough money to meet the needs and desires of both people. To avoid this problem, some couples simply don’t talk about money at all but this often proves to be only a short-term solution to the problem. A better solution is to work together to find ways to save money so that you can both make the purchases that you want to make as time goes on without threatening your relationship in the process. By coming together to fight the money problem, you may even strengthen your relationship. But there are some do’s and don’ts that you have to make sure to follow if you’re going to try to save money in conjunction with a romantic partner.

Here are 30 common sense do’s and don’ts that you should keep in mind when trying to save money in your relationship:

1. Don’t stop using birth control. Birth control is really expensive whether you’re using condoms, birth control pills or some other form of birth control. You may be tempted to stop spending that money and to rely on free things like the rhythm method. Don’t give in to that temptation. Always remember how much more money you are going to spend if you don’t use birth control and end up with kids that you hadn’t planned on!

2. Do fight about money. Frankly if you are not fighting about money at least some of the time then you probably aren’t dealing with the money problem head on. This means that you probably aren’t saving as much money as you could be saving. You don’t want to fight constantly but you should find yourselves having a few healthy arguments about saving money now and then.

3. Don’t stop going on dates. Many couples save money by ceasing all of the romantic dates that can add up to a lot of expenses. Replace these dates with other romantic activities. (Take a look at our list of 30 frugal-but-fun date ideas.) Your relationship isn’t going to survive without romance and that’s not a cost you should be willing to pay.

4. Do make a wish list. Many people fail at their plans to save money because they feel deprived of the things that they want. Work together with your partner to create a “wish list” of things that cost money. This can include big expenses like vacations and new furniture but should also include small expenses too. By working on this together, you’ll commit to saving money towards the things that you both want.

5. Don’t do any secret spending. The quickest way to ruin a shared financial plan is to start keeping secrets from one another about the spending that you are doing. You also risk ruining your relationship in the process.

6. Do rely on the credit history of the partner with better credit. When someone has good credit, they are capable of getting better terms on loans including lower interest rates which ultimately translates to saving money. If one of you has a considerably better credit score than the other then you may want to rely on this when getting loans. It’s also something to think about before getting married as staying single may allow that partner to continue accessing those better loans to the benefit of both of you.

7. Don’t forget about various benefits that spouses get. In some ways (such as the credit history issue) it can be best to stay unmarried but don’t forget that there are money-saving benefits to being married as well. Tax breaks, health insurance and military spouse benefits are a few examples that come to mind.

8. Do have an alternative wedding. The wedding itself is a huge expense for many couples but it doesn’t have to be. You can make smart choices together that reduce the amount of money that you spend on the wedding without compromising the value of the event.

9. Don’t underestimate the value of life insurance. If you’re in a serious relationship that is probably going to last long into the future then you might want to tackle the uncomfortable topic of what might happen to one of you if the other one dies. The cost of the funeral and the sudden loss of income is a big deal. It’s not fun to discuss it but it’s important to your financial future.

10. Do spend lots of time in bed. There’s no proper way to put it but couples who have a satisfying physical relationship together are less likely to nitpick at each other about other areas of life. Unsatisfied couples may be more likely to express unhappiness about the process of saving money together.

11. Don’t waste money on services that you don’t need. Many couples believe that their relationship requires them to get professional services ranging from marriage counseling to tax assistance. If you need those services, fine. But don’t waste your money on them if you really don’t need them.

12. Do look for savings on vacations. You and your partner probably want to travel together but that’s a huge expense for most people. Start to get smart about traveling together in ways that don’t cost so much money. Working together on this can make planning the vacation a part of the fun.

13. Don’t do the long distance thing. If you are living in separate places then you are going to spend a lot of money working on being together. You’ll have high phone bills from communicating via phone or you’ll have travel expenses for getting together as often as possible. Relocating may actually save you money in the end.

14. Do find pleasure in the small things. Many people waste money together because they get a high from spending their money on each other. Start noticing and appreciating the little things – the air you breathe when you walk through the park together, the way your heart still flutters when she smiles at you. Paying close attention to these simple things can really make it easier to stop spending money for momentary satisfaction.

15. Don’t act like celebrations don’t matter. Couples who are trying to save money will often make agreements not to get each other anything for anniversaries or holidays because it’s a “waste of money”. Instead, agree to get each other thought-filled gifts that stay within a budget.

16. Do work together or near each other. Couples who have two cars are going to spend a lot more money on gas than couples who use one car. Working in the same building or the same general area of town can let you carpool together. It may also let you get together for lunchbox lunches so you save money on going out to eat with the office pals.

17. Don’t keep a car that you don’t need. Some couples will find that they can carpool to work but still need that second car for other errands. However, other couples will be able to actually get rid of one of their cars altogether. Doing this will allow you to save money on car insurance and maintenance.

18. Do make sure that you both understand money. There are still a shocking number of couples in which one partner doesn’t understand money in general or the money situation of the household. Neither of you should be turning over a check to the other person and failing to take notice of what’s going on with the money in your home.

19. Don’t sacrifice your favorite things. A major problem when trying to save money in a relationship is that couples have different interests that each cost money. You may not understand why she needs to spend so much money on scrapbooking supplies and she may not understand why you need such expensive snowboarding equipment. Don’t belittle each other’s costly interests. Instead, find ways to save money on the things you each love most so that neither person feels as though an important part of themselves had to be sacrificed to make the relationship work.

20. Do cook together. Couples waste a lot of money on food. They go out to eat at restaurants. They cook meals separately whenever they are each home. Instead, make a date night each week when you cook affordable meals together that can be stored in the fridge and eaten throughout the week.

21. Don’t spend money because you’re mad at your partner. Couples who are working together to save money will often sabotage the plan when they get into an argument about something else. It’s a method of revenge but it ultimately causes as much harm to you as to the other person.

22. Do create a mood in your home with candles and low lighting. The money-saving benefit here is that you’re going to spend less on the electric bills. This would be annoying if you were trying to get things done in your home by yourself but it’s romantic when you’re creating an ambience to be shared together.

23. Don’t have pets that you don’t both want. There’s nothing wrong with having pets but you have to admit that they are really expensive. Often couples will come together each with pets of their own and end up with a whole house full of animals that have to be cared for. Be willing to assess whether you want pets at all and how many you want and try to compromise on this when it conflicts with what your partner wants.

24. Do show appreciation for the person that you are with. People often feel unnoticed in their relationships. As a result, they do things to try to get noticed. They get haircuts and new clothes and buy new music to share with the other person. If you are giving your partner the affection and attention that he or she needs then there won’t be this need to spend money to try to get that attention.

25. Don’t let financial problems with your family undermine the goals that you and your partner have set. The one set of people that has the potential to really ruin all of the money-saving success that you and your partner achieve is your family (parents siblings, etc.). Families often seek to borrow money or get into financial pinches that require your help. It’s a tricky line to walk but try to always remember that you can’t sacrifice the gains you’ve made in your relationship at every whim of your family’s needs.

26. Do respect the changing needs your partner has. The financial goals that you set together may change over time (like those times when family needs really do come up and need to be dealt with). Be open to regularly changing and adapting to the new financial needs in your relationship.

27. Don’t throw things away when you move in together. Couples who are moving in together often throw away a bunch of stuff that they don’t need two of. Instead, take the time to sell that stuff off so you can profit from the move-in.

28. Do challenge each other to find new ways to save money. You should make it a goal to each come up with a new way to save money every week. By making it into a friendly competition, this can actually be a really fun way to continually save money together.

29. Don’t make money the primary focus of your relationship. You should talk about it, you should be open in discussing it, you should allow it to be a major part of your daily life … but ultimately money shouldn’t be the thing that you and your partner discuss most together. Love first, money second.

30. Do make a commitment to saving money together. You shouldn’t just assume that this is something that you’re both interested in doing together. You should make a stated commitment to one another to this area of your lives and you should reconfirm that commitment as needed throughout the duration of your relationship.